Is this door open?

God opens doors for us on a constant rotation. It's whether or not you choose to walk through that open (or revolving) door that makes the difference in your life.  I've let more of His open doors close in my face than I can count, due to fear and irrational thinking. Yet, I recall the year that all changed. Something inside me changed as I binge drank my way through my 26th birthday party.  All of the people that had become my family up north "in the cities" were there to celebrate with me or were wishing me well through calls or texts like they did every year. I felt pretty dang good.  But one thing was different this year.  Something was new this time.  Someone who had never celebrated a birthday with me before was sitting alone but brave at Brit's Pub. His ginger haircut sat quietly, and uncomfortably across the table from my big brother and his friends. "No I'm fine," he'd say, "I have to get to know them, right?"

As I moved from table to table talking with friends and family,  I watched him. He didn't make much progress in talking with Jamey, but he kept trying. He knew Jamey was important to me, so he wanted to show that he was making an effort. Even in the early stages, I loved him for that.  He was truly going to sit there all night until he had a chance to exchange a few hollow words with his new girlfriend's big brother. Looking back, it must have been so frustrating for him because Jamey was obviously not going to give this ginger kid much time; who knew how long he'd be in the picture?  No one knew, except me.

The night ended with that handsome man driving me home and making sure I got some food, water, and made it into bed alright. He tucked me in, kissed me and then I fell asleep, right away.  

Over the next few months, God opened doors for me and urged me through them. I felt almost out of control as I shared pieces of my life with this ginger haircut that I had never shared with anyone before. The good, the bad and the ugly. Never once did he run the other way. Always "I'm not going anywhere," or "you can do this; I'll be right here with you."  My hard heart began to soften. I prayed to God that this time, just this once, I could keep this man.  So many had turned on me and with them took my broken, bleeding heart only to let the next fellow be the hero who picked up the pieces and put it all back together. I couldn't bear the thought of doing that again. My heart couldn't withstand another break, not after sharing so much of myself with this man. It wasn't possible to lose him this time. Gently, so gently, God continued to whisper in my ear and press on my heart (which I now know was his way of moving me forward to heal me completely) and He gave me patience and wisdom I'd never had before. Before long, God had whispered to the ginger boy too, "Joshua, this is the woman I choose for you" (maybe He didn't say it like that, but it had to be something close) and we were engaged!

Since accepting Josh's marriage proposal, I've had so many amazing experiences.  We've been well looked after by those watching us from Heaven, those here on Earth, and in the new friendships we've made.  Our circle of friends has, without a doubt, been chosen especially for us by God.  I feel blessed every day to be surrounded by the people who love and accept us for who we are.  It's so amazing to have friendships without stipulations. That's the way it should be and my life is full. My heart, is happy and healthy. The wounds have healed and the pain is gone.  The thing that changed in me that day in the bar is that I knew, for once, that God had finally taught me all the hard lessons my youthful mind needed to know and He had placed before me, my best friend. He'd finally given me the love of my life I had been searching and praying for. I knew that my faith in Him wasn't for nothing. Without a doubt in my mind, I knew He was real. 

As I sit here in my new home that I prayed about over and over, I know it's the right place for Josh and I to be. We're surrounded by people who have welcomed us right from the start and who make up a small part of a bigger church community we are entering into. (Our house is right behind the church we were married in in September 2011, the neighbors all work there or belong to the church!) Josh and I were recently approached and asked to be "House Leaders" for the Sr. High Youth at St. Phillip the Deacon Church.  We prayed about it (How are we going to have time for this, too?!) and have accepted.  We will be hosting a small (or large?) group of high school freshmen kids into our home every Sunday (through the school year) to learn about God and eat good food and just hang out.  We're going to be making an impression on these kids' lives and I can't wait to do that with my best friend by my side. He gives me strength and courage to be the woman I am meant to be. With his love and support, I can reach out to these kids and share with them the wonders of God because He is awesome. (And so is my husband)

Each year that has passed since my 26th birthday, I've noticed that God is ever present in my life.  Josh and I thank Him daily for His love and blessings and we hope to serve Him well in our next endeavor.  I truly believe that I am a child of God and every door that he opens before me, I will walk through it. I will not be scared because He will be with me and He has provided me with strength, courage, and support through my ever-loving husband, Josh. I am not alone and I won't be, for as long as I live.

Amen.