maybe it's just me. Maybe there is a sign posted on me somewhere that says "go ahead, be rude to me. one up me, make me feel belittled and worthless. It's ok. I mean, that's what friends are there for, right? To take your anger and frustrations out on and to blame and treat poorly. Yeah, so go ahead. keep on kicking me."

that's got to be it.

I want to know when it becomes ok for someone you care about to just kick you down and then keep on kicking you. no matter how much you do for them. how often you're there for them or you bend over backwards to make them feel better, loved, appreciated. It seems like no matter how many times you back them up, remind them that they are smart and funny and beautiful and capable, they just turn around and stab the knife in....then continue to twist it in your back. Their "thank you's" and "i love you's" suddenly seem so empty and casual. They hardly meant what they said...it was just easy to say it because...that's what you say.

Well, i'm sorry that your life is worse off than mine. I'm sorry that you're angry at me for things that i have no control over. I'm sorry that i just spent 5 minutes telling you how much i think of you as a friend and you thought it was ok to turn around and blame me for the way things are going in your life. I just don't know what else to do. I'm sorry that you feel this way. If i could change it...i would. for you.

the best i can be for you is sorry.